Saturday, 21 June 2014

On Journal Day #11

"This week, write a 'State of Me' address. Write about how you're really doing- what you've been thinking, what you've been up to. What have you accomplished lately? Where is there room for growth? Where are you right now in life and where are you headed? Current joys, currents sadness...write it all out. Discuss the current state of YOU."

Source

The current state of me. It's an odd thing to think about; as much as I like to think I reflect on things, I'm not sure I take much time to stop and think about how I'm doing, where I am and what's going on in my life. Of course, I know how I am, where I am and what's going on, but I haven't truly thought about it in a while. I guess what's mostly been on my mind over the past couple of weeks is the future. What with beginning to draft personal statements at school and deciding to definitely take a gap year to travel, it's inevitable that this is on my mind. I'm both scared and excited, which is the reaction I think most people have to any kind of change that they know is in the pipeline, although sometimes I think I should take a step back because it's still another year away. This is the first time in a couple of months I feel like I'm properly able to step back and take stock of everything that's going on following my exams, rather than trying to absorb as much information as possible on anything but me. It's a comforting feeling. At the moment I really feel at peace with myself. In a sense that feels like a strange expression to use and yet I think that's how I feel right now. Both at peace and quite proud of myself. I think we find it hard to give ourselves credit, that it's great to give it to others but that it may be arrogant to give it to ourselves. However, thinking about what I've accomplished lately, I am quite proud. Receiving the Philosophy Prize for my school out of the entire sixth form honestly makes me feel great. I guess being given recognition in the things we are passionate about is a wonderful feeling and, for me, philosophy is something I am incredibly passionate about and put everything I have into working for it (I can already hear how sad that sounds just having typed it!). I've also come a long way this year, I've definitely grown in so many ways since moving house and changing school as a friend, daughter, girlfriend and person. Or at least, I like to think I have grown. I think I've become more confident, more happy in my own skin. Recently I've really been motivated to look after myself and my body so have taken up running and really stuck with it over the last couple of months as well as making the effort to try and eat more healthily. I'm not anywhere near saying that I'm 'perfect', there's definitely room for more growth. As I wrote in my 52 list entry this week, there are a few things I need to let go of. I still feel regularly insecure and preoccupy myself with things that are definitely not worth my time. But I'm learning, and I think that's the best thing we can do with our lives; both learn and teach. In these next few weeks I feel almost as though I'm taking a breath, taking it all in and reflecting on the academic year, before summer starts and I will be crazy-busy in the best possible way. So I guess that's the state of me right now; happy, grateful, reflecting, and anticipating summer.

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