Thursday, 20 March 2014

On Journal Day #05

"We all encounter challenges on a daily basis. You may consider yours something small, like having enough time in the day to accomplish everything you set out to do, or it may be a bit bigger- perhaps something you have to overcome mentally or emotionally, or even a struggle when dealing with a difficult person. Whatever the case, take a look at your daily life- what would you say is the biggest challenge you deal with? Or if you have a past struggle you were able to overcome, how did you do it? This week, write about a challenge you currently deal with on a day to day basis, or discuss one you managed to get past."

I would say the biggest personal challenge I face on a daily basis at the moment is probably my inability to let things go that are beyond my control without getting frustrated, often with myself. Let me expand on that. I'm a little controlling about some things, for instance, if I have to be somewhere and I'm going to be late or I miss the train I wanted to get, or any little thing like that, to me, it's a really big deal.

I don't like it and I soon get frustrated, sometimes I even feel like crying, which is really sad, I know. But, I think I'm getting better. I'm realising more and more that these things are beyond my control, and I can't do anything about them. And really, at the end of the day, who cares if I'm going to be a bit late for something? People will understand. And if they don't understand, then that's their problem and not mine. I find it hard to comprehend in those moments that I'm doing my best and it's really okay.

For example, about a month ago I went on a Philosophy and Ethics trip with my school. Because we're sixth form the teachers don't take us there, we tend to just make our own way and meet in London, which is where most of our trips are. I went with a couple of friends, and when we got off the tube, we found it difficult to find the place where we were supposed to meet for a conference. As time went on, I was getting more and more stressed about it. It got to the point where I just wanted to walk ahead so that I didn't get angry at other people. I hated it, I hated feeling like that over something so stupid. We got there about fifteen minutes late and nobody even batted an eyelid, when I had gotten overly frustrated about it. I even know that it's stupid to get stressed over, and that makes me more annoyed at myself.

It's funny because I often see how differently people react in similar situations. I guess some people are really easy going. Sometimes I wish I could be like that, but I'm not. I've always been a planner and I guess that's why I get frustrated when a plan I've made falls apart. But there are positives to it too. It means that I'm organised, I know what I'm doing and I'll hardly ever feel like I don't know how to deal with things because I'm so far behind.

For me, it's just about finding the balance so that I don't get too wrapped up in a plan I've made. Because the truth is, life doesn't know your plan, and it won't stick to it. It will throw things at you that in turn will throw whatever you might have planned completely out of the water. And I shouldn't be afraid of that, I should embrace it. It means I'll be a better adapted person, and I think it's so important to be able to respond to change, even when it's last minute. 

So that's what I'm finding difficult at the moment. Granted, it's not a huge thing, but I think I'll be a better, happier person if I can overcome it. 

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