Thursday, 6 March 2014

On Journal Day #03

They say hindsight is 20/20, and with good reason- looking back at something always gives us a better view. We're often able to really see how our choices and decisions then shaped our today, and examine what we would have done differently given the chance. When looking back though, we often look way back, but for this exercise stay a little closer to present time and look back just 12 months. If you could go back just one year, what would you tell yourself? What advice would you offer about everything you've experienced?

I wrote about hindsight in my first Journal Day entry, and a little bit about where I was in my life a year or so ago. I guess you could say since this has been such a year of change, I have thought about what it's been like a lot. And when thinking about it, I decided that rather than going over it again, I would write this entry as a kind of open letter to myself one year ago, giving myself advice, with the knowledge I know now, a year on. 

To my sixteen year old self, 

Things seem pretty crazy right now, you find it hard to stand not knowing roughly what's coming in the foreseeable future so all the changes you're anticipating going through in moving house and school have taken over your mind a bit too much. You're worrying so much, about the move, about the new school, about your life now and taking your GCSEs, but you really don't need to, because everything works out okay. Give yourself a break, believe in yourself and have the confidence to know that you'll do well in these exams, because you give all that you've got for them. Know that a new school, as terrifying as it seems right now, will open your eyes in ways that you can't contemplate right now and lead to you meeting some amazing new people. That that special, wonderful boy that's in your life who you're a bit afraid of losing because of all these changes, he stays right there, and things will be just as wonderful with him a year on. Equally know that your friends, the friends who have been there through everything, they aren't going anywhere either. Sure, you might not see them everyday anymore, but that won't affect your friendship because those friendships are incredibly strong. Saying goodbye to your school will be hard, but easier than you think once it's done. Don't be so afraid of life, the chances are it's not always out to get you, and this opportunity isn't there to mess things up because you've been so happy the past few months, in fact it's just the opposite, so don't lose your faith in the things life can bring. Try not to feel like you need to meet so many people's expectations, because you're okay as you are, you're more than okay, and the people who don't see that aren't worth wasting your time over. Don't blame your mum for all that's happening, listen to her and try to understand that she always has your best intentions at heart and that, as always, those intentions pay off. You don't give yourself enough credit, right now you can't understand why this school seems to want you, why they're offering you a full bursary to attend their school, all based on an interview that you didn't think was all that extraordinary, well it's because you have more qualities than you realise, and they know how hard you'll be willing to work to do the best that you possibly can. Try not to be so hard on yourself, that's the most important thing I can tell you, from a year on. You beat yourself up so much for things that are beyond your control, things that you couldn't do anything about, at the end of the day, just like everybody else, you're only human, and you're trying your best, which is all you can do. 


Read previous Journal Day entries here.

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