Thursday, 20 February 2014

On Journal Day #01

A couple of years ago Danielle (whose blog I adore!) used to run a feature that I loved, called Journal Day, the idea of it is explained in this post if you want to find out what it's all about. A few months ago I reverted a lot of the posts I'd written from before a year or so ago to drafts because I felt that so much had changed since then and I decided I didn't really want them published on the internet. But I remember writing these posts with a lot of fondness so I'm very happy that Danielle has brought Journal Day back.

The prompt for this week is: Everyone has a time in their life they view as a crossroad. Sometimes you can see it as it's happening, and you're able to choose one way or another. Other times you may not realize you're there until you look back, and see what a turning point it really was. This week, write about a time you view as a marker in your life; a distinct place where things changed, for better or worse. 

The first thing I thought of when I read this prompt was last year. It was the moment I found out that I'd received an offer of a full bursary for the school I'm now at. I think it was in March and I was at a concert with a couple of my friends and it genuinely felt like my world had crumbled. (Please excuse the over-dramatic teenage-ness!) Getting into this school with a bursary meant that I really was moving house and leaving the school I'd been at for five years. 

Looking back on it I feel like I completely overreacted. But I don't think at that point I'd been subject to such a big change for years and I had no idea how to take it. I wanted to stay in my safe world, the one that I knew, the only one I'd ever truly known. I knew that I had to make a decision, whether to accept the move or try and fight my mum on it. At first I was determined to stay. However, it soon became obvious that I couldn't really fight this change and that I was going to have to give it a chance.

I remember feeling sick with fear. As someone who likes to plan ahead, it's not easy to have absolutely no idea whatsoever what's going to happen in the next six months of your life. I was worried about my friends, Harry, starting a private school when all I'd known was a state, I managed to make the worry list go on and on. 

But you know what? I got through it. Here I am, seven months down the line and I'm okay. In fact I'm better than okay. Everything worked out and I love the new school I'm at, it just took some time to adjust. Hindsight is such a strange and wonderful thing, isn't it? I now feel so grateful for this experience and the fact that I've been through a change. It's helped me to be more independent, feel more secure and broaden my horizons. 

I think I'll always look back at that time as a distinct moment in my life when I had to go through the first real big change, but boy am I glad I did. 

2 comments:

  1. Change is so hard! I'd like to say it gets easier -and truthfully, in some ways it might be a bit easier- but the decisions get bigger and bigger, and consequences get more severe. But you've already learnt such an important truth - you CAN make the best of your life if you choose. You CAN survive it and things will work out if you let them. Thanks for sharing about your growing and learning, I really enjoyed your post.

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    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment! I definitely agree with everything you've said. At the end of the day, we have to deal with the changes that will inevitably happen as life goes along and, instead of trying to fight them, we should let them help us to grow as people. I think that's the way we are able to become the best we can be; by facing change, as hard as it may be.

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