Monday, 23 September 2013

On A Difficult Monday

Today I was planning to write about what a wonderful weekend I've had but something happened this morning that just knocked me a bit, and I wanted to write because it made me quite sad and when I'm sad I like to write. Every Monday morning we have a senior assembly - last week my year were asked to stay behind and the head teacher told us about a boy in our year who was diagnosed with cancer when he was 11, had managed to fight it, got incredible GCSE results in the midst of it and even started our sixth form but had just found out that week that he only had a few weeks left to live, when he was expected to complete his A Levels with us.

I thought about it a lot. About how unfair life can be, he's a 16 year old boy and, from what I've heard, an absolutely amazing person. This morning they told the other years not to come to assembly, just ours, and we were told that he died early on Saturday morning. I've never experienced something like this before. It was very weird for me because I've only just joined this year and I never spoke to him, I don't know if I even saw him. And yet I felt utterly overwhelmed with sadness. But I felt like I had no right to be. I didn't know this boy and although I've heard how funny and how happy and how clever he was I didn't feel as though that justified me being upset compared with all the people around me who have known him for five years. 

There was a moment when the head was saying a few words and a boy sitting in front of me suddenly put his head in his hands and let out an uncontrollable sob, beginning to cry without showing any signs of being able to stop. That is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever witnessed in my life; the boy who sat in front of me is probably the biggest guy in our year from what I've seen, I have a class with him and he's always laughing with friends around and to see him cry like that really made me realise how real this was. All I wanted to do was cry and cry and cry. But I still felt like I had no right, so I tried my hardest to suppress my tears. 

You never really think that something like this is going to happen. But we probably should really, because life shocks you. It comes out of nowhere and gives you things you never thought you'd be dealing with. And sometimes that's great. But when things like this happen I spend some time again wondering why life is so unfair. I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and nevertheless I find it so tough to comprehend the unjustness of it. He was a 16 year old boy with so much potential, so much hope. And now he's gone. I just pray that he's in a better place. 

I don't think my words even begin to do justice for what a sad moment it was, but I wanted to write, so here it is. 

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