Saturday, 13 July 2013

On Change

For the past few months, since I've known that I would be moving from Surrey to London and going to a completely new school in September, I've found it somewhat more difficult than I believed I would to describe how I feel about these changes. I feel as though I've been holding my feelings in slightly, although I have opened up more about it to a few special people in my life. Keeping things back is very out of character for me. Not that I usually go around broadcasting every intimate detail of my life, just that I normally know how to talk about it with the people I choose to.

I also feel like it has been quite a while since I last sat at my computer, hit the 'new post' button and just typed everything out that's bothering me. I used to do that all the time and I miss it. I suppose I'm more conscious now than I was in the past that I publish these words on the internet, where anyone can find them should they choose to look. But really, thinking about it, this is honest, this is my life and these are my words so I don't mind who wants to read.

Now that we've moved I do feel more at ease with the idea of it all as I truly love our new place, it's wonderful. I also really look forward to having people round, it has a fantastic garden that I hope I will spend many of these beautiful summer evenings in with the special people in my life. However, as I am now here, I am often finding myself worrying about the future; what will happen when I start my new school, how I'll be able to handle the workload, making new friends and keeping up with the amazing ones I already have.

I know this incessant worrying won't benefit me one bit, but I find it very difficult to stop although I'm really trying. I want to live in the present as I have this incredible summer which has only just started and so much that I could do should I put my mind to it. I would much rather concentrate on that and enjoy it as much as possible after two years of bloody hard work. I struggle with this because change terrifies me. I know how illogical that sounds - if we never changed, we would never make any progress, we would never be able to grow in ourselves and with other people. But I suppose I'm finding it hard to adjust at the moment. It's the fear of the unknown really.

I'm hoping that by typing some of this out I will feel a little better about it, because I know that I've got to learn to stop worrying about things that are out of my control. Only time will tell what will happen next year. And that's okay. It's life, so really it's good that I am learning this sooner instead of later. In a few months I will have the answers to my worries, but right now I need to focus on what's directly in front of me, in the present and enjoy every wonderful moment, because change is a part of life.

No comments:

Post a Comment